Thursday, August 4, 2011

Seeing

My nephew is a singer/songwriter.  This past weekend during a very intense family time at my parents house, he sang a work in progress called Lonely Tree.  Here is a link to a very poor recording of him singing it live. You should see him sing this in person...he sings with such openness and passion.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=albN1WcHkwg&feature=related

I'd heard the song before, but a line of lyrics stuck in my head.  And I've been thinking about them every since.

"It blinds you before it opens up your eyes."

It really struck me this weekend that there are some characteristics that DRIVE ME INSANE about my parents and my siblings that I've always thought of as "their problem."  I've had this idea that I'm the Switzerland of the family.  I'm easygoing.  I'm nice.  I'm patient and understanding.  Parenting has revealed this to not be true.  But parenting while being with my siblings and my parents was like holding the repaired pot up to the light - you could see wax in all the cracks.  And then I heard that line of lyrics.  And I wondered...

Is the blindness we have about our own faults necessary as a first step?

Is that "aha moment" of revelation made all the more poignant because we know all the judging/comparing we've been doing?

At one point my sister-in-law was teasing me about being just like my brother, and I could see it.  I could feel it.  It was this huge, "I AM THE THING I HATE!" It was terrible and awesome all at once.  It gave me a sick sinking feeling.  It gave me a sort of hopeless, "how can I ever change" feeling.  And it gave me a great relief to see it so clearly.  I mean, all that judgment, all that superiority is just blown up when I see that I'm the same.  And what a relief to not feel those things.  What a relief to not carry that annoyance around with me.

Anyway, I just wondered what your thoughts were on this phenomenon.  Do you think things blind us before they open up our eyes?  I'm guessing he is taking this idea from Paul's conversion.  Why was Paul blinded?  How does that blindness happen to us?


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